J.R.R. Tolkien’s monumental fantasy, Lord of the Rings, has an interesting motif. Elves are the elegant, ageless, beings who play a critical role in the story. The recurring motif is that of their journey to the Grey Havens, where they leave Middle Earth, sailing to Valinor and the blissful peace that awaits them in the undying lands. It seems that there is a deep longing in the elves to make the journey, but the longing is resisted so that they can stay to save Middle Earth. Only after the destruction of the Ring, and the final defeat of Sauron, is their mission complete. Then they follow their longings to the Grey Havens.
As I get older, I more and more understand this kind of tension. It is the same tension the Apostle Paul, who was a Roman prisoner, expressed to his beloved church in Philippi.
Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, 19 for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. 20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me. (Philippians 1:18b-26, NIV)
For Paul here, the longing was to be with the Messiah, Jesus, but the Messiah, Jesus, commissioned him to work in this world. Eventually, that commission would be fulfilled.
6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:6-8 NIV)
The Roman sword or ax that beheaded Paul, paradoxically was the means of fulfilling Paul’s deepest longing. Yet, as long as Paul had breath, he had purpose, and that purpose was here in this world.
I see the same tension for me more strongly than ever before. As long as I have breath, I have purpose. That purpose is expressed in being a husband, father, grandfather, teacher, neighbor, and writer (as in this blog). The longing to be with my Lord and His saints, who live forever in His presence, just keeps growing. I leave the fulfillment of this longing in God’s hands. In the meantime, I will stay as healthy as possible, seek all the medical assistance I need, and be as mentally and emotionally present in this world as I can.
Returning to Paul, whatever he experienced between writing Philippians and 2 Timothy, each day must have been viewed with a renewed sense of importance. In Willie Nelson’s September Song, the chorus says, “Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few.” When we realize that our days are few, we don’t want to waste even an hour. That’s where Paul must have been and where I am.
But do we need to be in our 70s or 80s to feel this? No! Life is uncertain at any age. Cancer can strike children. Sudden illness can become sudden death. A normal plane flight can, as we have seen, end in tragedy. I encourage you to learn to long, however old you are. We learn longing by being in His presence in prayer, meditation, and worship. We learn longing by loving the saints here and imagining the heavenly fellowship of saints through the ages.
As we long, we can then make the final stanza of When My Love to Christ Grows Weak, our own.
Then to life I turn again,
Learning all the worth of pain,
Learning all the might that lies
In a full self-sacrifice.
Tim Kelley