A great weekend is now behind us at the TRYAD camp. We renewed our love with many, yet missed others we had grown to love. I spoke four times, and each message was followed by intensely personal discussions which were rich with both pain and hope.
In my third presentation, we looked together at Matthew 18:15-20. I won’t discuss the full message here (in my last sermon presented at Littleton, I spoke at length about this passage), but will address one aspect of it. The first part of this passage reads:
15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (NIV)
Earlier, in Matthew 5, Jesus said:
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (NIV)
Whether we sinned against another or were sinned against by another, love and faithfulness to God obligates us to initiate the healing of the relationship. This is important. We are not, nor can be, responsible for the motives or actions of others. However, we are fully responsible for our own motives and actions. We do not react “off” of others, but from love. We should not say, “they must make the first move.” Love always makes the first move.
In both passages, the goal is the same — reconciliation. It is expressed in Matthew 18 as winning them over, but in both the goal is the restoration of a loving relationship. Matthew 18 gives a process that allows for the failure of the goal, but the goal always remains reconciliation.
It is critical to see that the private relationship is seen in the context of the community or church. In our effort to reconcile, we protect the other. We first go privately, not publicly. We may or may not be at fault, but love doesn’t keep score (1 Corinthians 13:5). We should not be afraid to apologize, without ever saying, “you first.”
If the other refuses our overture, we don’t give up! We are to take witnesses. They are not witnesses for the prosecution. They are mediators who may correct us as often as they do the other. In either case, they provide a true record of the interchange.
If the other refuses to make peace, the entire church is enlisted to bring about peace. They get involved, because they are involved. We are a church, not an aggregate of individuals. The goal hasn’t changed. This is not the final step that justifies expulsion, but an additional effort to restore peace for all.
If all that is rejected, then sadly, we then, “treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” That’s final, right? Well, not so fast. Here’s a simple question: How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? Most of us are Jesus followers because Jesus loves all of us who are Gentiles. Did Jesus love tax collectors? Ask Matthew. Ask Zacchaeus. We never shut and lock the door. We never close the gate to the repentant. This passage simply acknowledges that in the end, God honors our choices.
Let me finally say that while I have seen church leaders unilaterally disfellowship someone (my heritage’s term for excommunication), I have never seen this process followed! I fear that we have refused to listen to the One whom we call Lord. Yes, church discipline is to guard and protect the church, but never at the expense of the offender (see 1 Corinthians 5:5). The loving church always seeks reconciliation. Let’s be this kind of loving church.
Tim Kelley